Some setbacks with Butch. She not telling me everything I need to know, me reacting strong because of some old wounds, she cancelling our date with no reason, me playing it indifferent. A cycle of mutual rejection has been developing between us, communication failing repeatedly. I refuse to initiate talk because I sense her mistrust in words. She tries to act normal and I get all angsty under my skin. We still have great sex, though. In bed I feel connected to her, close to her, able to give myself away.
Still, I didn’t come here for a fight, or to avoid one. I feel that my commitment cannot last very long if problems keep arising and they cannot be tackled. You know, I’ve always tried to keep it together for too many years, against my better knowledge, and at this point I want my love life to be easy. Please?
Otherwise all good. Autumn nights, antique lamps, money sorted out for a while, mystery illness close to conquered, old friends getting married in woods.
Back and forth
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